How Long Does It Take To Train a Human?


I never learned to count past three.  It’s not like it’s my fault or anything,  Momma never sent me to school and the only way I learned was by listening to her.

 

Who knows, I am a dog after all, maybe there just isn’t anything that comes after three.  All I know is Momma says, “One, Two, Three” and then it’s not pretty.  And by that I mean she gets ugly.

 

Really Ugly.

 

The reason I bring this up is because Momma was so badly behaved on our walk yesterday.  Instead of following Delilah and I, she ran away at least three times.

 

It’s totally not a cool way for a Mom to behave.  Delilah and I had to run super fast in order to find her (who knew an out of shape woman could run that fast?  I sure as woof didn’t.)

 

Guess where she was?

 

Hiding.

 

Behind a tree no less.  I was surprised there was a tree big enough to hide her, what with all the layers of clothes she had on.

 

And guess what?  She was mad.

 

At US.

 

To make it worse, she made us sit and take pictures.

 

I was SO embarrassed with her behavior, I couldn’t even look at her.

 

Then she says a bad word (I told you she got ugly) and says we dropped a leash and have to backtrack to see where she left it.

 

WE?  Do you have a mouse in your pocket Momma, because I don’t remember holding a leash.  How can you drop a leash and not know it?  I know exactly where I drop anything and have no trouble finding it!

 

Delilah and I kindly start walking back and I stop to look for the leash and she says, “Move it Sampson,” and when I stop again she says, “Get out of my way Sampson” and finally through gritted teeth, “Keep moving Sampson!” And then she said some more really bad words.

 

What the woof?  I was only doing what she asked me to do, looking for the leash that SHE dropped.

 

Delilah was all worried and stuff because Mom was acting so mean, so she stayed right there with Mom.  Then when Delilah’s leash got stuck on a really big branch, Momma did some weird Ninja movements with her hands (and more bad words) then she took that branch and threw it like she was some spear chucking caveman intent on killing a Wooly Mammoth.

 

I was so glad we didn’t run into any other dogs out there, because Momma’s behavior was horrible yesterday.

 

It makes me wonder just exactly how long DOES it take to train a human?  Is it even possible?  Any of you dogs out there have any ideas?

 

This is the Monday Mischief Blog Hop hosted by Alfie’s Blog, Snoopy’s Blog, Luna a Dog’s Life and My Brown Newfies.

12 Comments

melF says:

Forever Sampson! Humans are WAY harder o train than dogs. WAY!

Sampson Stone says:

That’s what my Momma says about my dad. BOL

You’ll just have to try harder, Samson – they are so irrational ;-)

Sampson Stone says:

What’s up with that? I thought some of them could be rational, I guess even a dog can be wrong sometimes.

BOL….maybe you guys will all learn together.

Sampson Stone says:

Gosh I hope so, I’ve been training this woman for almost 9 years now!

Vanilla Bean says:

hi just droppin by from the bloghop… it takes a lifetime to train them plus you need tons of patience cuz their span of attention is so grrrr… Sometimes, they’re so clueless with what we are trying to say… x0x0x Vanilla Bean

Sampson Stone says:

Thanks Vanilla Bean, I’ve been trying to train this woman ever since I got her. She’s either dumb or stubborn, I’m not sure which. Thank you for stopping by too!! It’s nice to meet you.

You just cannot take her anywhere! lol

the brown dawgs

Sampson Stone says:

Since you know that I’m assuming you know her. She’s so embarrassing.

Basil says:

Wow you make my human looked good! You won’t believe what typist did to her dog this morning… she decided that when calling him to come from across the lounge he wasn’t allowed to scramble over the settee – the shortest way – but instead run around the stupid thing!! He did check – multiple times – that she didn’t want him the direct and quick route but silly typist wouldn’t change her mind! I tell you, he has my sympathies!

Sampson Stone says:

Poor dog, maybe we need to chat a bit and figure out the best training method for them. It seems to me that Mom doesn’t learn with the current method I’m using. I hope your friend didn’t get too tired out having to go the long way around.

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